A Spider, Poultry and a Lonely Dog

A few days ago I decided to work in the back yard and move around a couple of my rejected-for-regular-art-shows-but-kind-of-interesting-for-yard-art ceramic sculptures. I ended up dropping and breaking one, so I decided to continue breaking it into smaller pieces to dispose of it more easily. My sculptures are perfect places for small creatures to make homes, so I was keeping an eye out for spiders, etc. I found what I was looking for. A nice specimen of a Black Widow stumbled out of her now devastated home. She was stunned and confused, so I had time to run into the house and get a jar. I cajoled her into making her way into it, and she immediately started creating a web on two dead leaves that had somehow gotten in with her. I wanted to take her to a place far away from our house, but for a couple of days I kept forgetting to take her with me. So, she sat in her jar on our kitchen counter waiting patiently but futilely for food to happen by.

I ended up dropping her off in the country on my way to my Grandmother's house. I took the lid off the jar and nestled it down in some grass and leaves safely away from human habitation. I hope she's okay.

Back in Greenville, my husband and I took our dog, Manny, to the dog park for a little springtime socializing. He has only been to the park a few times ever, and we hadn't taken him since winter came around.

At the park I kept leading him across the play area trying to get him to socialize. He did pretty well for a little while, but all of the big dogs started making him nervous. So, after a few interactions and five nervous craps he showed undeniable signs of wanting to leave by just shutting down. He slept the whole way home. Maybe next time the whole experience won't be quite as much of a shock to the system.

I think this is the most intriguing and almost pretty photo of something dead that I've seen in a long time, and yet this little Cornish Game Hen also has a look of bloat and ooze. The colors, shiny platter and almost plastic looking glistening goo on this wee bird make the scene look like dinner in a doll house.

I have always wanted to be unique, and, at the same time, I just want to fit into the landscape - be anonymous - incognito. Since I was a kid people have said things like, "Maya, you're sooo weird!" Now that I am older, I tend to take that as a compliment. It is an indicator that maybe I am not just like the droning masses. With this title, however, comes a self-imposed responsibility to constantly push past boundaries that one's socialized brain presents. From this comes a fixation on finding an original thought, and this, in turn, is paralyzing.

In my art I am not satisfied to sample from nature or someone else's art. I am not satisfied to simply illustrate a basic idea or say that everything has already been done and so any attempt to make something new is futile. If this is so, I don't want to be part of perpetuating egotistical doldrums trying to pass as creativity - the racket. We like to think of ourselves as more important than we are, and we are happy to pat ourselves on the back for making something easy. We are animals. We don't like to be uncomfortable. We have emotional pain when we have to adjust to new situations and new ideas. We're not as amazing as we think we are. I may not ever succeed at making original art, but I know I will never be satisfied to simply produce safe work.

There aren't a lot of original minds in the art world, although it seems there would be. To be truly unique is to exist before one's time and be potentially misunderstood. So many artists seem to look to past artists for an indication of how to think and make. I understand the dangers of working in a vacuum, but I also feel there are dangers in too much artistic interaction. This is some deep soul shit, man, not some pedestrian venture. If we are to be real artists we have to go to the uncomfortable places where we, as animals, don't like to go. We need to go where no one else wants to go. We also have to feel safe to make mistakes, and think stupid ideas, and go through a process. We need to challenge ourselves and be challenged by others, but there are people you can trust with your soul and there are people you cannot.

I am not unique. I am just an animal with a big ego - just like everybody else. I may never be original, but I will not be complacent.